


In the Dark

by orayofsunshine



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: (greatest of all time), Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Feels, Force Bond (Star Wars), Leia being the GOAT, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rey is conflicted and Ben is an idiot, Sharing a Bed, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-22 21:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13175466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orayofsunshine/pseuds/orayofsunshine
Summary: After the battle on Crait, Rey knows she should stay away from him. They’re volatile, explosive and uncontrollable, but part of her tells her that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Torn between what she knows is right and what she wants, Rey faces an impossible choice. Post TLJ.





	1. Trying to be Brave

**Author's Note:**

> Whoooo all aboard the Reylo train! This is my first fic for them, and I'm really excited! This song was inspired by the song "Love In the Dark" by Adele (I prefer the Leroy Sanchez version though, it's great!) and I thought the song fit well with the dynamics of Rey and Kylo/Ben's relationship. So that's what I was going for here. 
> 
> As of right now I'm planning on this to be 3 chapters, but it could go to 4 (or more, depending on where my muse takes me) but I have the first two done and should have the whole thing finished (and hopefully posted!) before New Years because I know waiting for fics to update can be painful lol
> 
> This has been beta'd by the lovely fairytalelovr, who I owe tons of gratitude to (and I also convinced her to ship Reylo, whoo!) ;) 
> 
> Anyways, enough of my pointless rambling, onto the fic. Hope y'all enjoy!

She should hate him. Everything within her told her that she needed to hate him. If she were honest, she spent most of her time convincing herself that she did hate him. She made mental lists of everything he had done to her and her friends that warranted her loathing him, yet she never could bring herself to hate Ben Solo. 

Because she couldn’t make herself hate him, she did the only thing she could do. She shut him out, slammed down her mental walls to cancel out the bond they shared. She still felt him pushing against the wall sometimes, desperately trying to force his way through it to get to her. She pushed him out of her mind and threw herself into training and planning ways to strengthen the Resistance after the losses they took on Crait. It was easy during the day, when there was always work to be done and meetings to attend. When it got to be night time though, and she was left alone in her quarters with only the low hum of the temperature control to fill the stifling silence, that was when she hurt the most. 

She could see him, hand extended to her, inviting her to join him in ruling the universe together. She remembered the softness in his eyes as he offered her everything, to make her something more than she had always been: a nobody. She couldn’t trust him, but in that moment she knew he was being completely honest. He wanted to rule beside her, he wanted her. 

She had never been wanted before. 

But he was doing everything so wrong. He was selfish and power hungry, brash and uncontrolled. He was explosive and volatile, and she was scared of that part of him. She knew that he would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. He had done so many horrible things. He acted like he had something to prove, like he had been forced into everything he had done in order to fulfill some glorious purpose. He had abandoned his family, looked his own father in the eye and killed him because of the dark side’s seduction. Rey wondered if a person could come back from that, or if he was entirely too far gone. 

But still, she couldn’t hate him. 

She spent most of the lonely nights trapped in her own mind, wanting nothing more than to let her walls down and see the one person who made her feel something, leaving her either awake all night or falling into an exhaustion induced, fitful and tear-filled sleep. 

One night, after a particularly trying day, she couldn’t bear another night of torture alone in her room, so she went to the training room to try and exhaust herself, which was thankfully empty that time of night. She took her frustration out on the punching bag, kicking and punching, imagining Ben’s face staring into her as she boarded the Falcon and shut their bond. She worked furiously until her whole body ached from exertion and her vision was blurred with tears, her breaths heavy as she hunched over to set her hands on her knees. She cried then, the ache in her chest too much to handle. 

She didn’t register falling to her knees until her forehead was touching the cool ground and her sobs echoed through the empty room. 

She was so torn. 

She jumped when she felt a hand brush her shoulder, and her first instinct was to reach out for a weapon of some sort, but it never reached her hand. Instead, when she looked up the staff in question was held in Leia’s hand, who looked down on her with a fond smile. 

“Leia,” She said in shock, wiping her cheeks and nose with the back of her hand. “I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize-” 

“It’s alright Rey,” She assured, dropping the staff to offer her a hand. “Come on, I think we could both use a drink.” 

Confused but not willing to turn Leia down, she took the woman’s hand and got up, wordlessly following her out of the room. They wandered through the corridors of the base they were currently using, out of the First Order’s reach while they regrouped. Rey had never been to this part of the base, sticking only to the training room, command room, the mess hall, and her own quarters. 

They stopped in front of a door and Leia quickly punched in a code and stepped aside to let Rey enter. The room was nearly identical to Rey’s own quarters, except much, much cleaner. Leia smiled as she shut the door behind them, opening a drawer to pull out a bottle of amber liquid and two cups. 

“Expected more for General Organa’s living quarters?” She bemused, pouring each of them a drink. Rey looked around the room once more, still confused about what had happened in the last ten minutes. 

“No, I just don’t know why you brought me here.” She answered honestly, making Leia laugh as she pushed one of the cups in Rey’s direction. 

“Drink first, then we’ll talk.” 

Rey complied, throwing back the drink the way she had seen Poe do when the pilots got particularly rowdy. The liquid stung her throat and she was just barely able to swallow it before coughing. The older woman, on the other hand, finished her drink without so much as a wince and primly wiped her mouth before sitting down at the small table and gesturing for Rey to follow. 

“You haven’t been yourself Rey, and I know it has something to do with my son.” She said bluntly, reaching across the table to grab Rey’s hands in her own. “And I want to let you know it’s okay.” 

“W-what?” Rey asked, stunned by the older woman’s words. “How- how did you know?” 

“I’m an old woman. You think in all of my years I’ve never cried a few tears from heart ache? Maker knows, Han nearly drove me crazy more times than I can count.” She said, a fond smile on her lips as she mentioned her late husband. 

Rey hummed, pulling her hands free from Leia’s to rest them in her lap, fixing her eyes on her grubby, bitten down fingernails. “I can see him.” She confessed after a long, silent pause, looking up at Leia. “Snoke somehow made a bond between the two of us, at first we couldn’t control it, but after a while I guess it just got easier to let it happen. So I can see him, talk to him-” Touch him. She thought to herself, remembering the spark of electricity that coursed through her body when their fingertips touched. She remembered the way it made her feel, warm and tingly, like every cell in her body was vibrating with energy.

“Can you see him now?” Leia asked, a tinge of hopefulness in her voice. Rey shook her head, reaching for the bottle in between them to pour herself another drink. She downed it quickly, coughed once and took a deep breath. 

“I closed myself off from him after Crait. I didn’t… I couldn’t…” She stammered, unsure of what to say. She couldn’t speak to him? That was a lie, all she wanted to do was speak to him. She wasn’t sure what she would do if she could see him, touch him again? Truthfully she didn’t even know the answers to her own questions. There was so much conflict waging war within her, and it was eating her up. 

“I understand Rey,” Leia cut in. “More than anyone else on this base.” 

Without another word Leia stood up and opened another drawer, pulling a holopad from beneath several items, and brushed the dust off of its surface. It hadn’t been used in a while, that much was obvious. Leia sat down again, scotting closer to Rey as she turned the holopad on. It took a minute of sifting through files before Leia found the one she was looking for, and after putting in a passcode, it opened up to dozens of pictures. 

“It’s easy for people here to hate Kylo Ren, to want to put an end to him and all of this mess.” She explained, flicking past pictures of a younger version of her and Han. As the pictures progressed Rey saw Leia with a rounded stomach and a bright smile, Han’s hands spread over the expanse of her belly. The next was Chewy and Han, a small blue bundle in the latter’s arms. There was one of him as a toddler, a much too big pilot’s helmet on his head, dwarfing his little body. The next was him probably eight or nine years old, flashing a gap toothed smile at the camera as he sat in pilot’s chair of the Falcon. Rey watched in awe as picture after picture of Ben Solo flicked past her eyes, showing him grow up. Leia’s eyes were glossy as she cleared her throat to continue. “I can’t bring myself to hate him, because whenever I look at him I still see my little boy. So it’s okay if you don’t hate him Rey, because just as I saw him before the darkness got a hold of him, you have seen the side of him that is not all bad, and that side is so easy to love.” 

Taken aback by her words and any mention of love, Rey stood up quickly. Her head was spinning, and she wasn’t sure if it was from Leia’s words or from the alcohol. She didn’t love him. No, she couldn’t love him. He was terrible, utterly despicable. There was absolutely no way- 

“Rey,” Leia said, pulling her from her shock. “I know it’s a lot to think about. Take the holopad, if you want. Don’t torture yourself though. If you need to let him in, let him in.” 

“But what if-” 

“No one on this base will know, my lips are sealed, sweetheart.” Leia reassured her with a smile, slipping the holopad in her hands and squeezing them tight. “Goodnight dear, and if it isn’t too much to ask, tell Ben that I love him, still.” 

Unsure of what to say and already feeling her mental walls crumbling, Rey turned and ran. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, but she knew that she wanted to be alone when it did.


	2. I Can't Face Your Breaking Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey connects with Ben again, and things do not go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoooo! New chapter! Enjoy!

“Rey.” 

 

His voice was just as she had remembered it, rich and gravelly, and she knew that if she looked up he would be standing in front of her. His voice alone, saying her name so tenderly, nearly broke her. She refused to look up though. She had just barely made it back to her quarters before she fell to her knees and cried again, letting the wall that kept their bond apart crumble. He was there only moments later, watching her as she cried on the floor. She wished she could shut the bond again, throw up the wall and make him leave, but she didn’t think she could. Her heart ached in her chest, and she clutched at it, fisting her hand into her tunic.    
  
She felt him step closer, and she let out a particularly pitiful sob. She wasn’t sure what she wanted more: for him to leave her or hold her. 

 

“Go away!” She screamed, screwing her eyes shut. She didn’t want him there, but she didn’t want him to leave either. 

 

“Rey,” He repeated, words tinged with worry. “Are you hurt? Who hurt you? Why are you crying?” 

 

“You! You did this, you evil, hateful, power hungry bastard!” She yelled, looking up at him for the first time in weeks. He was kneeling next to her, dark eyes soft and filled with worry. He was close enough to touch, and she inhaled slowly, reaching her hand up to touch him.

 

The sharp sound of her hand hitting his cheek filled the room, so loud it rung in her head. He leaned back, completely stunned at her action, but said nothing. A red handprint- her handprint- was already forming on his pale skin. Rey opened her mouth, as if to say something, but she had no words. She could only blink once, twice… 

 

When she opened her eyes after the third blink, he was gone. 

 

\----------- 

 

She didn’t speak to anyone for three days after she saw Ben. She carried on as usual, everyone knew that something was up, but no one said anything (she guessed that Leia probably had something to do with that) and she kept to herself. 

 

She always felt him, gently probing at their bond, pushing whether or not he should come back again. But whether she was training, or in a meeting, or alone in her quarters, he never encroached upon her again. She could feel him, and his irritation and confusion only matched hers. 

 

She felt like she was going crazy. She had barely slept or eaten since she had slapped him, instead choosing to run herself into the ground to keep her mind away from him. She spent her nights wrapped in a blanket flicking through Leia’s holopad, running her fingers over his little face and wondering where it all went wrong. When had he started hearing the darkness calling for him? When did his relationship with his parents start to crumble? Had he told anyone what he was going through? Did Luke even try to understand his nephew, or was he too scared of the boy to do anything but try to rid him of the darkness that was seducing him? 

 

She felt the air shift around her and the hum of the temperature control stop, and she knew he was there. She stiffened, cautiously looking up to him. He stood in front of her in sleeping clothes, so she assumed that wherever he was that it was night time too. His face was blank and unreadable, but she could feel his emotions through their bond: the restlessness and uncertainty. 

 

“You slapped me.” He said simply. She nodded, pulling her blanket tighter around herself to give her some feeling of protection. What from, she didn’t know, because she knew that Ben wasn’t going to hurt her. 

 

“I didn’t know what else to do.” She replied. He hummed, eyes shifting to the holopad and the picture that it was projecting. It was one of her favorites, him on Han’s shoulders, a toy X-Wing in his hand, held high for everyone to see. He had a beaming smile on his face, while his father looked up at him fondly. Seeing the picture though, Rey felt a flash of anger run through their bond. 

  
“Where did you get that?” He asked, surging across the room. Rey shrunk back, making the image disappear as she folded in on herself to protect the holopad from him. 

 

“Your mother gave it to me, she was the one that convinced me to speak with you in the first place, so you should show a little thankfulness.” She spat. He huffed, irritation radiating off of him as he stood stubbornly in front of her. 

 

“I have no business with Leia Organa, she will never have my thanks.” He said, puffing his chest out. Rey threw the blanket off of her shoulders and stood up, standing toe to toe with him.

 

“Cut the shit Ben, it’s only me and you here.” She said, sick of his constant insistence that he had washed his hands of his whole life. He could say he felt nothing for his old life, but she saw him, and she knew the truth. “Your mother still loves you, hells, your father still loved you up until the very end, and you still love them. You can say whatever you want, but I know the truth that you’ve tried so desperately to hide.”    
  
“Stop it Rey.” He said through gritted teeth. She stood her ground though, squaring her shoulders and refusing to back down. She was smaller than him, that was true, but she knew that they were equals in this fight. 

 

“You know I’m right! Look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing for your mother, for your uncle, your father,”  _ for me  _ she added mentally, and though she never said it out loud, she knew he heard that bit just as clearly as everything she had said out loud. 

 

He stared her down, his eyes locked intensely with hers. She could feel the conflict within him, she knew what he wanted to say, but she also knew it was a lie. 

  
“Come back when you’re ready to admit what we both know to be true, Ben Solo.” 

 

She felt a pulse of frustration flow through her, and without another word, he was gone.

 

\--------------

 

Nearly a month passed without her speaking to him again. She kept herself busy, but she no longer felt like she was losing her mind. She was sometimes tempted to seek him out, see what he was doing, but she knew that doing so would put the power in his hands, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. She liked being the one in control, that she had the Supreme Leader of the First Order in the palm of her hand.

 

She started sleeping better and having more energy, and she hung out with Poe and Finn more, and got to know Rose and some of the other girls on base. She finally felt like she was a part of something, but still Ben had a way of sneaking into her mind when she least expected it. 

  
“Is now a bad time?” He asked, red faced as she stepped out of the fresher, wrapped snugly in a towel. Her first instinct was to scream and throw the nearest object, a hairbrush, at him only for it to pass right through him and land with a clatter on the opposite side of her quarters.    
  
“Get out!” She screamed, her whole body flushing with embarrassment. 

 

“I can’t! I didn’t mean to come this time, the force did it!” He said, throwing his hands in the air. She groaned in frustration, and pushed her way past him (she realized that only she could physically touch him, other objects seemed off of the table, unfortunately.)

 

“Will you at least turn around so I can put some clothes on?” She huffed, still clutching her towel around her chest. He obliged, seeming to be just as embarrassed as she was over the whole situation. She dressed quickly and let him know when it was safe for him to turn around. 

 

There was an awkward silence that followed him facing her, and she knew it wasn’t because he had seen her nearly naked. 

 

“I told you not to come back until you were ready to talk.” She said simply, crossing her arms and resting her hip against the small table in her room. 

 

“I-I’m not here for that.” He said nervously, fidgeting with his cloak nervously. If she wasn’t irritated, she might have found it endearing, cute even. “I don’t even know why the force brought me here, I wasn’t planning on seeking you out anytime soon.” 

 

She snorted at that, shifting her gaze down to her fingernails, picking a piece of dirt out from underneath one. While she was feigning boredom, she felt a twinge of emotion come through their bond. She looked up, dropping her guise when she noticed the unreadable emotions in Ben’s eyes.  He looked scared, frightened like a small child despite his large frame. For a moment she wondered why the Force brought him to her -- could it be because it knew that he needed her, yet was too prideful to come on his own? She felt a painful twinge in her chest, and she knew her guess was correct. Suddenly, a vision passed through her mind and everything became clear. She saw General Hux and Ben in a command room, arguing toe to toe.

 

_ “You’re incompetent, weak. You have no place in the First Order, much less leading it.”  _ __  
__  
_ “I am the Supreme Leader, I will carry on Snoke’s reign and finish what Darth Vader started.”  _ __  
_  
_ __ “You can call yourself whatever you like, but all you are is a frightened little child. You are nothing here, hold tight to what you have left Kylo Ren, because it will not last for much longer” 

 

When she opened her eyes again, Ben was still standing in front of her. He was hurting, she could feel the conflict within him. She knew what he needed to say, what he wanted to, but there was still something within him holding him back. Still, she felt the pain and the conflict and it rocked her to her core. 

 

“Ben, I-” She started, only for him to hold his hand up. His eyes were screwed shut, as if he wanted to block everything around him out. 

 

“I don’t want your pity, scavenger.” He said sharply, his words full of venom that she knew wasn’t actually aimed at her. He was hurt, frustrated, and a whole flurry of other emotions that she couldn’t quite name.     
  
Knowing that there was nothing she could say that would fix the situation, she crossed the room to him in several strides and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly to her. He broke then, clinging to her so tightly that it was almost painful. He didn’t say anything, only held onto her like she was the only thing anchoring him to reality. He wasn’t crying or speaking, just breathing in her scent. 

 

_ Don’t make me leave tonight.  _ His voice filled her head through their bond. She nodded wordlessly, pulling away from him just slightly to flip the lights off in her quarters before stepping towards the bed. That was when she realized the position she had put herself in. She had never shared a bed with a man before, and had no idea how to go about it. Something in her told that Ben had never shared a bed with anyone either. 

 

_ You can get in first.  _ She thought, looking down at her tiny bed. How they would both fit in it, she didn’t know, and while she still had the option of telling him to leave, she didn’t want for him to. She stood still as he climbed in and laid on his side, holding the blanket up to let her climb in. She settled down on the bed, facing him, yet she tried to keep as much space between them as she could. She remembered what it felt like the time they had touched hands, the small touch sending a shock through her body that set every cell alight. She absentmindedly wondered what it would be like if she was pressed up fully against him. The thought both terrified her and thrilled her. 

 

_ Can I hold you?  _ She heard him ask as his dark eyes bore into hers in the low light. She bit down on her lip and nodded slowly. She nearly jumped out of her skin when his hand landed on her waist, slipping down over her back so he could drag her closer to him, pressing their bodies together. He was warm and his clothes were soft against her cheek as she pressed it against his chest. She felt his heart beating loudly in his chest, and she realized that he was just as nervous as she was. 

 

After a long moment, Rey shifted to wrap her arms around his middle and slip a leg between his. It was clumsy and awkward, but after another minute they had settled into a comfortable position, tangled up in each other. She slowly felt Ben relax in her arms, letting the tension that he had been carrying when he arrived slowly disappear.

 

“Rey, I don’t know what to do.” He whispered in the dark after a long time of silence, his heartbeat thundering beneath her cheek. 

 

“Shhhh,” She hushed, rubbing his back gently. “Just sleep, Ben.” 

 

It was silent after that, and she started to doze off, but before she completely surrendered to sleep she could have sworn she felt a quick pressure against the top of her head. A simple kiss into her hair, and she only smiled into his shirt, clutched the fabric a little tighter in her hands and let sleep take her. 

 

When she woke up the next morning she was alone, and the bed was cold beside her. 

 

\------------------

 

He came back the next night, and the night after that, and soon he was sharing a bed with her every night. Sometimes they would just sleep, legs tangled beneath the sheets, and other times they would stay awake for hours, voices soft as they talked about everything and nothing at all. She told him about her training, how she didn’t understand the force at all and how the food in the mess was terrible. He would grin and counter back something about the First Order’s food or how General Hux was a fool. They tried to stay away from topics of the war though, and they found themselves talking about their favorite colors and biggest fears, trading stories from when they were little. Beneath her blankets, they were not a rising Jedi and the Supreme Leader of the First Order. They were just Rey and Ben, and everything was simple and easy. 

  
Rey had never been happier in her life. 

 

She should have known it wouldn’t last forever. 

 

She was still sweaty from a particularly rigorous training session when Ben appeared beside her. She smiled at him fondly, squeezing his bicep lightly as she brushed past him.    
  
“Let me hop in the fresher real quick, I’m a little gross.” She chuckled, throwing a smile over her shoulder, and that was when she noticed that something was wrong. 

 

“Ben-” 

 

“The First Order will be carrying out an attack on your base at dawn.” He said quickly, his voice low as if someone could hear him. 

 

Her blood ran cold at the information. They couldn’t face another attack, especially a surprise one. They were just starting to recover and rebuild their ranks, they couldn’t lose anymore people. 

 

“Did you tell them where we were?” She asked, her whole body aching with the feeling of betrayal. She had been so careful to not tell him anything about the Resistance, just in case the information was to get into the wrong hands. She never stopped to think if he could see her surroundings, and that perhaps his hands  _ were  _ the wrong hands.

 

His eyes grew dark and he crossed the room to her, gripping her arms gently. She flinched at his movement, and she saw a look of hurt flash through his eyes. 

 

“No, I didn’t know where you were, one of our scouts found your base and Hux planned the attack without my knowledge. I would never think of betraying you, Rey.” His voice was quiet still, tender as he reached up to gently stroke her cheek. Her heart fluttered at the touch, and she wished she could just fall into bed with him, burying herself in his arms and never leave. But they couldn’t do that, because she had stupidly forgotten than the reality of their positions was much bigger than the intimate world they had created in her bedroom. 

 

“Then why are you telling me this?” She asked quietly.  She looked up at him towering above her, eyes soft and full of affection that she did not want to acknowledge. She couldn’t deny that she had fallen for him over their month of spending every night together, and she knew through their bond that he felt the same way towards her. Now though, with what he just told her, her chest just ached. 

 

“I want you to join me.” He said gently, cupping her cheek. “I’ll give you the universe, sweetheart. All you need to do is come.” 

 

Rey screwed her eyes shut and bit the inside of her cheek so hard that the coppery tang of blood filled her mouth. She batted his hand away from her face and shook her head, taking a step away from him. 

 

**“** Rey, please.” He begged, and she opened her eyes, looking up at him through tear filled eyes. 

 

“Get. Out.” She said, voice low. She knew if she tried to speak any louder that her voice would shake or crack, and she did not want him to see her weakness. She knew he could feel it, feel her heartbreak, and that thought alone made her hurt worse. 

 

_ Please. I love you.  _

 

“Don’t.” She whispered, hoping he would get out of her head. 

 

_ You love me too, I know you do. You feel it too.  _

 

“Get out of my head!” She screamed, letting her tears fall freely. She stepped forward and pushed him, forcing him to stumble back. “I can’t do this, Ben! As long as you are on the dark side pretending to be someone you’re not, I will not love you!” 

 

“We can rule together, make a new empire side by side. You could be somebody, people would love you, fear you. You could be with me.” He pleaded, reaching out for her hand. She jerked it away from him as if she had been burned and shook her head again.    
  
“No, I would not be with you. I would be beside Kylo Ren, and that is not the man I love. If you think that this is what I want, then you don’t know me at all.” She said, balling her hands into fists, digging her fingernails into her palms. 

 

“Rey-” 

 

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence before she bit her lip and threw up her mental walls once more, locking him out. 

 

She needed to tell Leia about the attack. She needed to do a lot of things, but standing alone in her quarters she could only slide down the wall closest to her, wrap her arms around her knees, and cry. She felt the pain in her heart, her head, all the way down to her toes. It was like a wave of sorrow had crashed over her the moment he offered her the world. She didn’t want the world, though. She wanted for the stupid war to be over, for there to be peace in the galaxy, and for Ben Solo to be by her side. He was a monster, however, and she knew that unless he changed, she would never get anything that she wanted. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a comment if you enjoyed it, it really makes me happy knowing if y'all enjoyed it (and knowing y'all like it pushes me to update faster ;) )


	3. Something I Can't Live Without

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All actions have consequences, both expected and unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3! Hope y'all enjoy!

**** She doesn’t sleep that night, but neither does anyone else.    
  
Once she was able to stop crying and peel herself off of the floor, she found Leia to tell her about the upcoming attack. She was shocked, so sure that the base was undetectable. She asked who found them, who had told her of the attack. Rey could only sigh — they both knew the answer. 

 

“He didn’t tell anyone, Leia, he knew nothing about the attack until it was too late. He was the one who warned me.” She said, her words just barely a whisper as tears threatened to spill again. Leia smiled and brushed a stray tear from her cheek. 

 

“He’s still in there, darling. We have to keep fighting for him.” She said, and Rey nodded in agreement, taking a deep breath as Leia turned and started towards the command room to share the news. 

 

It wasn’t long after that everyone was running around, most still in their pajamas as they prepared to evacuate, or fight if it came to it. Rey really hoped they wouldn’t have to fight. She quickly threw all of her belongings into a bag, stopping when her hand landed on Leia’s holopad. She bit down hard on her lip, trying to forget the night she spent sitting in Ben’s lap, his large hand settled over the expanse of her back holding her close as they flipped through the pictures together. It was painful for him to see, she could tell through their bond and in the way his fingertips would dig into her back every time a picture of his father came up. But he had looked with her, and if he shed a tear or two, she made sure to wipe them away gently, replacing the tears with light brushes of her thumb across his cheekbones. 

 

She shoved the memory- and the holopad- deep into her bag as she finished packing and started towards the  _ Millennium Falcon _ to take off. They were quickly running out of time, and she only hoped that they could get out before the First Order arrived. She snorted to herself: ironically enough, the Supreme Leader was the reason they would make it off of the planet alive. 

 

She brushed past people as she made her way to the hangar, hoping they would attribute her splotchy face and bloodshot eyes to being woken up suddenly, or that they would be too tired themselves to notice. Her chest still ached so damn badly, and she was filled with emotions that she would have to face later, but for now she had bigger things to worry about than her breaking heart.

 

Thankfully, she reached the  _ Falcon  _ without incident and made her way to the cockpit, throwing her bag down onto the floor beside the pilot’s seat. Chewbacca was off on a mission for Leia, leaving her to pilot by herself. She started preparing to leave, distracting herself in the familiar hum and buzz of the ship she had come to love so much. She only looked up when she heard a thud behind her, glancing over her shoulder to see the intruder. 

 

She expected a lot of people to be standing behind her. Poe, Finn, Rose, possibly even Leia, but she was not expecting Ben to be standing in the doorway to the cockpit. Her heart caught in her throat and she wanted to give the biggest middle finger to the Force for putting him there when she wanted him least.

 

“I thought I told you to go away!” She shouted, grabbing the closest thing to her- an old notebook- and chucking it at him.    
  
To her surprise, it did not pass through him. Instead, it hit him square in the chest, pulling a grunt from him as he rubbed his sternum gently. 

 

“Shit, Rey, you’ve gotta stop throwing stuff at me.” he said, his voice laced with pain. She stood, shocked that the notebook had actually hit him. That had never happened before, so that must mean…

 

“Are you actually here?” She asked, her heart pounding a tattoo against her chest. He couldn’t be, he  _ wouldn’t.  _ Ben’s eyes locked with hers as he nodded once. There was a pause after that, a moment when the only sound was the commotion outside. She wasn’t sure what she should do, she was completely frozen in her spot.    
  


“I tried to stop the attack. I went straight to Hux, I told him because I hadn’t authorized it that we wouldn’t follow through. He… He staged a coup against me. He said I wasn’t fit to rule the First Order, that I’m too merciful and unwilling to do what is needed to finish the job. Apparently that was just as much a part of his plan as attacking the base. He was going to kill me, but I escaped in an pod, just barely, and I came here. I- I didn’t know where else to go.” He explained. 

  
There was another pause, and Rey didn’t dare move a muscle. When he saw that she wasn’t going to say anything, he continued, taking another step towards her. She, in turn, stepped back, bumping against the console. Shit. She had nowhere to go, there was no running away from this confrontation. 

 

“I thought about what you said, and I want to compromise. I want you Rey, more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I-I can’t lose you. If I help the Resistance take down the First Order, there will be a lot of rebuilding to do. I don’t need all of the power, but I want to be a part of that rebuilding to make the galaxy something worth living in, something without all of this conflict that has ripped families and lovers apart for years and years. We could create a new order of Force users, an order that accepts the balance of dark and light within us. There will be no more jedi and no more sith, just the balance that was needed all along. There is darkness in me, darkness that I will not deny, just as there is light in you that you will never deny. The Force brought us together for a reason, we bring harmony to each other. I need you beside me, sweetheart. So please, join me in this.” 

  
At the end of his speech, he extended his hand to her, like he had done so many times before. Rey took a deep breath, feeling like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. She wanted to cry, and scream, and a smile until her face hurt and a billion other things. But in that moment she was completely unable to find the words to put her feelings to justice. So at a loss for words, she crossed the cockpit in two strides, grabbed Ben’s collar and kissed him flat on the mouth. 

 

She had dreamed of kissing him many times before, and then when he started sharing a bed with her she would stare at his mouth while he was sleeping and wonder what his lips would feel like under hers. She had never kissed anyone before, and for a long time had wanted for Ben to be the first (and only) one she kissed. Actually kissing him though, was another thing all together. His lips were soft and pliant underneath hers, albeit unpracticed. Something in the back of her mind told her that this was his first kiss too, and the thought made her smile against his mouth. 

 

She pulled away much too soon for her liking, reaching up to cup his face gently. The corner of his lip quirked up in a grin as he rested his hands on her hips. 

 

“You know this doesn’t fix everything, right? You’re going to have to answer to the Resistance, and there will probably be a trial… and that doesn’t even cover you facing your  _ mother... _ ” She trailed off as she wondered what the Resistance would think about her involvement with him. He rolled his eyes and kissed her forehead. 

  
“We’ll deal with that when we get there, but for now we need to get the hell off of this planet.” He said, squeezing her hips gently then using his grip to turn her around and push her towards the pilot’s seat. She sat down, finishing the startup sequence as he sat down beside her in the co-pilot’s seat. She looked over as he sat there, looking a little pained as his hands flitted over the controls, and she wondered what was going through his head. She gently probed into his mind to see, but he shot her a look. 

 

_ Not now.  _

 

With a small sigh, she simply nodded and took off into the rising dawn. 

 

\-------------------

 

Despite the warning that allowed them to prepare for the attack, they still met the First Order once they got off of the planet. The battle that ensued was not particularly brilliant or noteworthy, with no clear and definitive winner on either side. At that point in the war, it was just another day in the fight. 

Rey still felt a new level of adrenaline pumping through her as she navigated through the slew of missiles and lasers firing all around her, only to glance over at Ben to find him just as focused as she was. They flew together as they did everything together, perfectly in sync. It was electric and exciting, and part of her knew that this was it for her, that everything she did in life she knew it needed to be by his side. She couldn’t help but smile to herself as they jumped into hyperspace. 

 

Once they were safely away from the First Order and Rey had contacted Leia, telling her that she was safe and carefully leaving out the information that her son was with her, they were able to relax for a moment. She got up from the pilot’s chair to throw herself on Ben’s lap, burying her face into the crook of his neck. His arms moved to cradle her, holding her tightly in his arms. She loved when they sat like this, her wrapped up in him. She felt safe there, like nothing could hurt her. 

 

“We have a lot to talk about.” She said after a moment of silence. He grunted noncommittally and held her tighter. 

 

_ I can think of better things to do with our mouths than talk.  _

 

She grinned and leaned back slightly to look him in the eye. “I’m serious, we have just over an hour before I have to explain to the Resistance why I have the Supreme Leader-” 

 

“Former Supreme Leader.” Ben corrected, earning an eye-roll from Rey. 

 

“I wasn’t finished.” She said, tugging on his earlobe. He jerked away from her grasp, shooting her an irritated glare. “As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, when I get off of this ship with the  _ former  _ Supreme Leader, there are going to be many people ready to shout treason at me and many more ready to blow you to pieces, which is the last thing I want to happen.” 

 

“So what do you say we do?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at her. She sighed, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to conjure up a plan. 

 

“You think we should keep us a secret.” Ben said, reading her thoughts before she could say them outloud. She sighed, not wanting him to get the wrong idea before she could explain her reasoning. She really hated their bond sometimes. 

 

“It’s only smart. Besides, I hardly know what ‘us’ is. I want for us to figure this out before the whole galaxy tries to do it themselves.” She said, tangling her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck as his mind wandered. She rolled her eyes and caught his chin in her hand, holding it square in front of her as she spoke. “And it’s not because I’m ashamed of you, so don’t even finish that thought, Ben Solo.” 

 

It was then his turn to roll his eyes, muttering something about her being in his head before leaning down to kiss her. Her heart leapt in her chest as she kissed him back, still wholly unfamiliar with the sensation. 

 

_ Seriously, we need to have a plan for when we get off this ship.  _ She told him, even though she wanted nothing more than to kiss him silly. 

 

_ We can make a perfectly good plan like this, think of it as multitasking, sweetheart.  _

 

She groaned against his mouth at the pet name, tangling her fingers into his thick hair. 

 

_ So you want to think of seeing your mother again while kissing me?  _

 

With a groan she was shoved off of his lap into a heap on the floor, making her giggle as he dropped his head into his hands. “You ruined the moment, Rey, is that what you wanted?” He lamented as she stood up. She chuckled again, kissing his cheek sweetly as she settled back into the pilot’s chair.

 

There would be time later (hopefully much, much more time) to kiss Ben, but the time for Ben to face the Resistance was getting shorter and shorter, and they had to make the most of it. 

 

\-------------------

 

They had agreed that once they landed on the new base, Ben would stay hidden on the ship while Rey found Leia to explain the situation. She knew the most about them and their connection, plus with him being her son, they both agreed that Leia knowing first would be the best course of action. Also with her authority, she could break the news to the rest of the Resistance in a gentler way then Ben striding onto the base. 

 

While they thought telling Leia would be the best reaction, that still didn’t mean that it was necessarily a good one. 

 

Rey was barely about to get the full story out before Leia was marching off towards the  _ Falcon  _ with a purposeful stride. Rey trailed behind, stomach twisting with nerves as she followed Leia aboard. 

 

“Ben!” She shouted, making her way through the ship. Rey hung back a few paces, fidgeting with the edge of her tunic nervously. She wasn’t sure if it was her own anxiety that she was feeling, or Ben’s as his thoughts rambled through her head. 

 

_ This isn’t going to go well. I haven’t seen my mother in over ten years and she’s on a warpath. Shit, this isn’t going to go- fuck.  _

 

His thought was ended when Leia found him, sitting in the captain’s quarters. He stood to his full height, hanging his head in shame. She simply stood there in front of him, face blank as she looked him up and down slowly. He towered over her, obviously getting his father’s height. 

 

“I never thought I’d live to see this day.” She said after awhile, her voice barely a whisper. “But if I did, I never knew what I would say to you.” 

 

_ She hates me. She’s going to send me away and-  _

 

Before he could finish his panicked thought, Leia stepped forward to hug her son, yanking him down to her height. Ben’s eyes went wide in shock as she held onto him tightly while his arms hung limp at his sides. Rey watched as his face softened and slowly his eyes closed, leaning into his mother’s embrace as he wrapped his arms around her. They stayed like that for a long while before Leia spoke up. 

 

“I thought I had lost you for forever.” She whispered, voice muffled by his tunic. After another long moment she pulled away to look at him, and then swiftly cuffed him on the side of the head. 

 

“Ow!” Ben protested, rubbing his head gently. Leia simply crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her chin up. 

 

“That was for the past twelve years.” 

 

“I guess I deserved that.” Ben muttered, eyes cast downward. Rey smothered a giggle under her palm and reached out to squeeze his forearm gently. 

 

_ Okay?  _ She asked, offering him a small smile. He grinned back, only a small quirk on the corner of his mouth, but it was a smile nonetheless. 

 

_ Okay.  _

 

\------------------------

 

As expected, the news of Kylo Ren’s defection from the First Order went well, it sparked a glimmer of hope into the Resistance, and for a moment they knew that they had the upper hand once more. 

 

The news of his defection was quickly followed the with news that Ben Solo had returned and was on their base, and this, on the other hand was not received well at all. The room went into an uproar when he entered, flanked by Leia and two guards. Rey sat with the other members of the Resistance in the room where they had gathered, Poe and Finn on either side of her. They had their own thoughts about the ordeal, but they paid no attention to her silence. She simply just watched Ben, wishing she could be by his side in the front of the room. He was cuffed and restrained, wearing a jumpsuit that labeled him as nothing more than a prisoner. 

 

_ “Murderer!”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Monster!”  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ “First Order scum!” 

 

_ “Kill him!”  _

 

The names that were thrown at him were harsh and unrelenting, but deep down Ben knew every slur and insult had been deserved. His sins against the galaxy and against the Resistance were great, and it was something he knew he would be atoning for until the day he died. 

 

The cries of anger were silenced when Leia raised her hand up, allowing an uneasy silence to settle over the room. She took a deep breath before speaking, her voice clear and authoritative as it rung through the room. 

 

“In exchange for his  _ safe  _ return to the Resistance, Ben has promised to give us key information about First Order. This intelligence could allow for us to put an end to the Order and an end to this war, which is something we can all agree upon. He means no ill will to the Resistance, and once he has been questioned he will be in isolation until further notice. Of course, his crimes will not go unheard or unpunished, and a private trial is being scheduled. That being said, let the council be the one to punish him. If I, or anyone else, hears of someone trying to take justice into their own hands, they will have to answer directly to me. Is that understood?” 

 

Disgruntled nods and murmurs of ‘yes, General’ filled the room, and with another few words, Ben was being escorted out and the meeting was adjourned. Rey got up with every intention to go find Ben, or Leia, but was quickly swept away by Poe and Finn, insisting that they needed a drink.    
  
She tried to have a good time with them, she really did, but her mind was elsewhere and after finishing two drinks with her friends she excused herself, feigning some excuse about having a headache. 

 

She was hardly in her quarters for a minute before the air around her shifted and Ben was in front of her, and only a second passed before she was in his arms. He sagged in her embrace, and she could feel his exhaustion from the day. He had gone from Supreme Leader to prisoner in less than twenty four hours, and that alone was enough to make one want to sleep for a week straight. 

 

“I wish I could have fought for you.” She whispered into his chest. “I wish you could be here with me now, not in that cell.” 

 

She felt him kiss the top of her head, and the warmth of it spread all the way down to her toes. 

 

“It’s alright sweetheart,” He said. “This will all be over soon enough.” 

 

“And then what, a life of politics for us? Making a new order of Jedi?” She asked, tilting her head up to look at him. He laughed, a sound she didn’t hear enough but was eager to get to know better, and leaned down to kiss her gently. 

 

“I thought about that some more. Politics are boring, and how much help has the Jedi  _ really  _ brought to the galaxy?” He said, cupping her cheek gently. “So screw the plan, all I want is you.” 

 

\-----------------------

 

The trial was long and exhausting, but eventually it was decided due to his information that led to the defeat of the First Order and because of his young age when Snoke first seduced him into joining, Ben Solo was given two years in prison and then a lifetime parole with frequent monitoring. A small price to pay for his extensive list of crimes. Naturally, some were not happy with the knowledge that one day he would be walking amongst them again, but they made no personal attacks against him for fear of Leia Organa’s wrath. 

 

The morning that he was to be sent to prison was far too cheerful for Rey’s liking. Nearly everyone had gathered around the transport ship to see him off- a celebration for most of them. For Rey though, it was the beginning of a very long two years. She would wait for him though, and she had told him as much the night before as the laid in her bed together, her head resting on his chest. 

 

She had not been with him in person since they had been on the  _ Falcon  _ together, sticking to communicating through their bond. She longed to be next to him though, and when he walked out of the base, hands clasped- but not cuffed- in front of him, she couldn’t resist. 

 

_ To hell with keeping it a secret.  _ Was all the warning he got before she broke away from where she stood beside Finn. She ran to him and threw herself in his arms, kissing him square on the mouth. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off of the ground, kissing her like he needed it to survive. 

 

“I love you.” She said once they broke apart, oblivious to the gasps and whispers all around them. 

 

“I love you too.” He whispered, kissing her again. “See you later, Rey.” 

 

“See you later, Ben.” 

  
And then he was marching forward, a smile on his lips as he boarded the ship. Then the sun was in her eyes, and he was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, while I thought there would only be 3 chapters, I decided that having one more to wrap everything up would work just fine ;) That being said, the epilogue is done and I'll probably post it tomorrow!


	4. To Live and Not Just Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the old and the beginning of something much better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the final chapter/epilogue! It's a short little thing, but I wanted just enough to wrap everything up with a nice little bow. I hope y'all like it!

Naturally, after her spectacle of kissing the fearsome and dreadful Kylo Ren in front of the entire Resistance, there was an investigation into what the nature of their relationship. Rey kicked herself over and over for the silly and impulsive move, but after the charges were dropped on a lack of evidence, she didn’t let herself worry about it any longer. 

 

(Ben got a kick out of it when she told him through their bond one night, which they had to be very careful of. They didn’t want the guards to think that he was losing his mind, talking into thin air as if another person was in the solitary cell with him.) 

 

Once the war was officially over and not knowing what else to do, she followed Leia to Naboo, where she was content to settle down for the rest of her years. The older woman had to reassure her multiple times that she wasn’t imposing or bringing any trouble with her. 

 

“I’ve lived a long, adventure-filled life, Rey.” She said one morning as they sipped tea in the little cottage they shared. “I just want to rest.” 

 

So life was simple. Rey found work fixing ships and spent her days tinkering with all sorts of machinery. Finn and Poe visited occasionally, stopping for a few days here and there to catch up with her before going off on whatever grand adventure they were on. She had filled them both in on her relationship with Ben, and while they were hesitant, she knew they were slowly but surely coming around. When work was done for the day and she had said goodnight to Leia, she spent her nights counting down the minutes until Ben was free. They talked over their bond sometimes when he could get away with it, and wrote letters back and forth as much as his sentence would allow it. It was difficult, and it wasn’t perfect- but they made do. 

 

She kept every one of his letters in a sturdy wooden box, running her fingers over the blocky letters gently, imagining him stooped over some too-small desk as he wrote it. 

 

_ When I get out,  _ her favorite letter said.  _ The first thing I’m going to do is kiss you until you can’t see straight.  _ She always smiled at that part, running her fingers over her lips and itching to remember the feeling of his against hers. Then her heart would flutter, having memorized the next sentence by heart.  _ Then I’m going to marry you.  _

 

_ All my love,  _

_  
_ _ Ben Solo  _

 

The days were infinitely long, but the years went by quickly and soon Rey stood with Leia on the platform in front of where his ship was meant to land, fidgeting restlessly. Leia reached out and took her hand, squeezing it tightly as the ship landed in front of them. Then the hatch opened and there he was. Rey, impatient as ever, dropped Leia’s hand and ran to him, jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist as he spun her around. 

 

He made good on both of his promises that day. 

 

They stayed in Naboo for two weeks after his release, allowing him to spend time with his mother and start the process of mending their broken relationship. Eventually, both he and Rey were itching to get out and explore, so with the promise to visit often they took off on the  _ Falcon  _ into the stars, and it was just them. They didn’t have a plan, but with her in the pilot’s seat and him beside her, they knew they didn’t need one. They had had expectations and hopes put on them their entire lives, and they were ready to leave that behind in search of something better. Something they could discover for themselves. 

 

They were just Ben and Rey Solo, ready to take on the galaxy. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end! I really loved writing this fic and getting to write some Reylo, they're both such interesting characters and it was so fun to write them. I hope y'all liked it and the way I chose to tell their story. If you did like it, I'd love to hear from y'all it really does make all of the work worth it knowing that other people enjoy what I create!


End file.
